


Reminders

by Jerry_Larchive



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-14
Updated: 2017-10-18
Packaged: 2019-01-17 11:10:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12364446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jerry_Larchive/pseuds/Jerry_Larchive
Summary: April has moved out and Jackson is trying to quit dwelling on the past and move on with his life. This particularly strange day though, makes that impossible.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This started out as a longish OS but managed to escape and become a short multi. Sorry about that.

Jackson awoke suddenly, thinking he had heard something or someone in the kitchen. Throwing off the covers, he padded across the floor in bare feet, cracked open the bedroom door, and listened intently. But he heard nothing. Two weeks ago, he might have heard April making coffee, talking sweetly and softly to Harriet, or engaged in any of the dozen other chores she assigned herself on her weekend day off. But this Saturday morning, silence greeted him.

“It causes me the pain the way that we're doing this.” she had said. “And I think I probably have to move out.”

As so she had. A week later she had found an apartment. A week after that she had moved. That first week, he had kept Harriet with him, giving April time to focus on unpacking and establishing herself. Then Harriet was with her, and he was alone. It had been a lifetime ago that he last lived alone, it seemed. Or maybe April and Harriet together filled his life so completely that it just seemed like a lifetime ago. But there was no going back now. His chance to do that had been lost in his indecision, inability to sort out his feelings, and his fear of risking everything one more time.

At least he would have Harriet again starting tomorrow night. And since it was his turn to work a Saturday shift, the day would go by quickly, and he wouldn't have time to dwell on what he should do next or what he'd had and lost. Or so he thought.

He walked the three blocks to the Light Rail station to board the train that would take him to Grey Sloan. Since he didn't have Harriet to tote to daycare, he had the luxury of using the train and avoiding the hassles of Seattle traffic that had become increasingly California-like. It was a nice day in Seattle so that provided double the enticement.

He got to the station only to realize that he had neglected to consider that the weekend schedule was in effect and he would have to wait a few minutes longer for his train. Well, no matter, he would still be plenty early for work.

Another different thing about taking the train on a weekend morning rather than a weekday; the platform was virtually empty. On Monday, it would be packed. This morning though, Jackson could see only one other rider, a young woman pacing nervously back and forth at the other end of the platform. He briefly glanced in her direction then directed his attention to his phone and email.

When he looked up a minute or two later, he noticed she was gone. Usually, he wasn't too interested in the activities of strangers but for some reason this young woman's there and gone act caught his attention. With some ten minutes before his train, he got up from the bench and casually walked toward the other end of the platform where he had seen the woman.

There was no sign of her so Jackson figured she must have changed her mind about taking the train. Since he was by the restrooms, he decided to make quick use of the Mens Room.

He was startled by the scream when he entered. “Whoa! Sorry, wrong restroom.” he said quickly as he made a rapid retreat. But outside he saw that it was, indeed, the Mens Room.

The young woman emerged a moment later. “Sir, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to scream but you startled me.”

“Yeah, you do realize that's the Mens room, right?” Jackson replied. The woman was petite with red hair and Jackson was reminded of April.

“I'm so so sorry but the Ladies Room is closed and I thought since there were so few people here that it would be okay to use the Mens.”

“Sure, no problem.” Jackson responded.

“I'm Avril, by the way.” she stuck out her hand.

“Avril?” That was just too weird. “You're kidding.”

“I know, huh. Unusual. Like Avril Lavigne, but of course I wasn't really named for her since she's barely older than me but we're both Canadian, at least I think she's Canadian, but I am for sure, from Edmonton, but I've been here in Seattle for a year now. I'm sorry, I've been rambling. I'm just so nervous.”

“Yes, well, it's been …if you'll excuse me I'll just go in and use the bathroom now.”

Jackson walked past her and into the restroom. He was a little shocked when she followed him in.

“I'm nervous because I have my certification test today. My whole career is riding on this. I think I'm ready but I've heard it's really hard and only like half the people who take it pass.”

Jackson turned toward her. “What certification are you testing for?”

“I'm taking the PTCB, the Pharmacy Tech Exam. It's really hard. But I've been studying and studying and I think I'm ready. But there's so much pressure. I've got to pass. If I don't, I'll have to go back to Edmonton.”

“Why wouldn't you just repeat the exam?” he asked, wondering how to get her to leave so he could use the urinal.

“If I don't pass, I'll lose my job. Without a job I can't stay in Seattle. So I've got to pass. I'm so nervous.” She went to the sinks to grab a paper towel and rinse it before applying it to her neck.

Jackson shook his head and smiled. Suddenly he had remembered his only previous time with a petite redhead in a Mens Room. This one would not go the same way but the similarities still triggered that memory. It was a good memory, though bittersweet under his current circumstances.

“You think I'm crazy.” she said, observing the head shake and smile.

“No, Avril, I just think you're nervous. I've been there, believe me. You're doing better than I did when I did my surgical boards.”

“Surgical boards? You're a doctor? Oh wow. I'm so sorry for taking up your time. You're probably thinking about cases and surgeries and important stuff like that and here I am distracting you with my stupid little exam panic.”

“Not at all. Tell you what, if you'll give me just a minute to use the bathroom, I'll come out and we'll do a last minute review. Do you have flash cards?”

“Yes! Oh, that would be so great. Thank you so much.” she gushed.

Jackson smiled. “Okay, but I need you to wait outside please.”

“Oh? Oh, yes, of course.” Avril exited the restroom and Jackson finally had a moment to relieve himself. Then, true to his word, he came out and proceeded to quiz her with her flash cards until the train arrived, and then continued to her stop, halfway to Grey Sloan.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you.” Avril told him as she rose from the seat next to him.

“You'll crush it.” he assured her. She gave him a grateful smile and slipped out the door, ahead of a group of young people coming on.

 

The train made its way forward again and Jackson was about to check his phone again when his eye was drawn toward the group that had just boarded. Instead of sitting, they stood, holding onto the straps, talking and laughing. It was a mixed group of young men and women, Jackson guessed late teens.

As he watched he saw one boy looking steadily at one of the girls. She seemed to be avoiding his gaze but then suddenly Jackson saw her look at him and smile. Then she subtly shifted to her left to be closer to him. He took the hint and maneuvered to his right until they stood side by side. Jackson observed the boy slightly extend his hand to lightly touch the side of her thigh. Her hand met his and they held each others fingers, even as they talked and laughed with other people. Then Jackson understood. These two were in their own secret little bubble that their friends had no clue about.

His thoughts drifted back to the once-upon-a-time secret marriage bubble he had shared with April. He still considered that one of the highlights of his life. There had been something fun and sexy and special about that time. It was the two of them in love, and the world was none-the-wiser.

As he exited the train a block from the hospital he took a last, knowing look at the young couple and envied them.

 

Jackson's long, quick stride ate up the urban block and as he approached the front door of the hospital he realized that he was still fifteen minutes early. Rather than go inside he decided to grab a bench outside and just enjoy the beautiful fall morning for a few minutes instead.

Someone in scrubs sat on one of the benches so Jackson took an adjacent bench. He didn't recognize the man. A nurse, or a tech maybe? Jackson closed his eyes and raised his face to the rare fall sunshine.

Eyes still closed, he heard a woman's voice speak a greeting. They were talking in low voices but the hospital was so quiet on this morning that Jackson could hear every word of their conversation.

“Are you ready?” asked the woman.

“Yes. Are you?” he answered.

“Better be, I guess.” she replied.

Jackson heard the rustling of paper being unfolded.

“Pregnant.” she said quietly.

Jackson snuck a quick glance in the direction of the voices. Jesus! Jackson realized the couple were sitting on the same bench he and April had that night.

After a moment of silence, the young woman spoke again. “That stuff you said before, about marrying me, you don't have to, you know,” she said hesitantly.

There was another momentary pause.

“What do you want?” the man finally asked, searching her face. When she didn't reply right away, he continued. “Because I want it. I want the whole damn thing.”

“You want this? You really want this?” she asked in seeming wonderment. In his mind, Jackson heard April saying those same words.

“I really want this. We'll get married, be amazing parents, have a dozen more kids. Beth, I love you.”

The young woman looked at his face for a full moment and then threw her arms around his neck.

“Oh, Bennie, I love you.”

Apparently the couple left because when Jackson opened his eyes a minute later, they were gone. Beth and Bennie had gone off to make a life together. Jackson wished them good fortune. Hopefully they'd have better luck than he and April had.

He realized that he had spent most of the morning so far being reminded of April. He arose from the bench and walked toward the entrance.  Just when he thought he might finally be getting past it, it seemed like fate or whatever was conspiring against him again. Little did Jackson Avery realize that this was just the start of a very long and strange day.

 


	2. More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When events continue to jog his memory of his past with April, Jackson gets the first inkling that something inexplicable is happening to him.

Jackson walked into the ER. “Someone paged for an ENT consult?”

“That was me,” called DeLuca. “Patient in Trauma three. Appears to have some really bad throat abrasions.”

“Throat abrasions?” Jackson repeated. “How?”

DeLuca shook his head. “You’d better ask them.”

“Them?”

“Yeah, there’s a whole group of them.”

Jackson followed DeLuca to Trauma three where the patient on the bed was surrounded by four coeds.

“Angela, this is Doctor Avery. He is the throat specialist I called for you.” DeLuca addressed the young woman on the bed.

“Oh my God, are all the doctors here this hot?” Jackson heard one of the girls say to another.

“I think I’m feeling sick myself,” her friend giggled.

DeLuca and Jackson looked at each other. Jackson was reminded of the smoking nipple case he and April had worked together.

“These are Angela’s sorority sisters.” DeLuca indicated for Jackson.

“Uh huh, okay, ladies, would you please step outside so we can treat your friend here?” Jackson requested.

“No, we want to stay. Angie wants us to, don’t you, Angie?” answered one of the girls.

Angela nodded.

“Alright.” Jackson reluctantly gave in. Turning to the patient he told her, “Angela, I’m going to take a look at your throat.” He made his way to the head of the bed and took out his laryngoscope. Peering into the patient’s throat he saw that it was red, raw, and irritated fairly deep into her throat.

“Angela, how did this happen?” He asked as he withdrew the instrument from her mouth.

But Angela shook her head.

One of her friends spoke up for her. “It hurts too much for her to talk so I’ll tell you what happened. You see, Angie is dating this guy…”

Another of Angela's friends cut in “It’s her first real boyfriend.”

“Yeah, her first. And they’ve been dating for like two weeks now.”

“More like three.”

“And they haven’t gone all the way yet.”

“Because Angie’s still a virgin.”

“But she want’s to, you know, make him happy.”

“Until she’s ready to lose it.”

“So she decided to give him a blo… give him head.”

"You know, oral sex."

"Yes, I know what you're talking about." Jackson answered impatiently.

Angela's sorority sisters continued the story. “But since he’s her first boyfriend, she doesn’t know how.”

“So she asked us for help.”

“To teach her how.”

“So one of the girls got her dildo…”

“And she was practicing…”

“And doing really well.” The girl smiled and patted the patient on her arm.

“But then Angie started to kind of choke and said her throat was sore.”

“That happens.” One of the other girls sympathetically added.

“But afterwards Angie said her throat was getting worse and she started to have a hard time breathing so we brought her to the hospital.”

“This dil, uh, teaching aid? What is it made of?” Jackson inquired.

“I don’t know. But it’s big and sort of lifelike.” The last girl responded.

“I brought it along, just in case.” Cried another of the sorority sisters, triumphantly holding the large artificial phallus aloft.

“Oookkaayy, great.” Jackson replied. “You really don’t need to hold it up like that.”

She brought it down and tried to hand it to Jackson, who reacted like she was handing him live snake, rather than an artificial one.

“Uh, nope, that’s okay. You just hold onto it.” Jackson replied. He looked at DeLuca, who was grinning from ear to ear. “Latex, you think?”

“Looks like it.” DeLuca answered. “Allergic reaction?”

“Most likely. Let’s give epinephrine, 5ccs, and monitor. If we don’t see improvement, we’ll try a corticosteroid.” Jackson answered.

DeLuca left the room.

“Angela, have you ever had an allergic reaction to anything?”

The patent shook her head.

“Well, it looks like you’re having your first. And unfortunately, it’s a sort of a bad one. You’re having what we call an immediate allergic reaction to latex and that could be serious. It could even lead to anaphylactic shock and death. Fortunately your friends did the right thing and brought you in right away so we can treat you before it gets too bad. But the downside is that you’ll want to start carrying an epi pen from now on.”

Jackson turned to the Angela’s sorority sisters. “Ladies, although you almost killed her, you did save her life by bringing her in right away. In the future, though, how about we skip the simulator practice and just go with the lecture?”

He indicated the dildo. “Besides, you might be setting the bar a little too, ahem, large, with that thing anyway. No sense in having her go into her first time with unrealistic expectations.”

Sadly, all four women acknowledged the reality in his advice.

Turning back to Angela, he added…”If and when, use protection, but make sure the condom’s are not latex, okay?”

Angela blushed as she nodded, and Jackson left as DeLuca returned with a syringe of epinephrine.

Outside of the room, he turned and looked back. But he was thinking of a different virgin and a different first time and the thought made him smile.

 

Jackson was alone entering the elevator on the ER sub level. But when it stopped on the main floor, it quickly got crowded, as was the usual. Looking up from his phone, he noted two of the new passengers, Megan Hunt, and her young Iraqi son. He hadn’t really had much contact with her so he wasn’t surprised that she hadn’t recognized him and, while he had heard the dramatic story of Riggs smuggling her son out of Iraq, this was the first time he had seen the boy.

The first thing that struck him was the boys resemblance to Kamal, the boy who Jackson had given new hands after April had brought him to her then estranged husband under entirely false pretenses. His initial anger toward her for bringing him such a _hopeless_ case had turned into gratitude when it again became an instance of April believing in him more than he believed in himself. It had almost been enough to create an opening for them to begin to heal their relationship. Almost.

This boy was whole and would require no such surgical heroics. But by the time they exited the elevator on Two, Jackson was deep into that memory. He could see the yearning in her eyes, feel the desperation of her embrace, drink in the fresh clean smell of her hair as she laid her head on his chest. It wasn’t until the elevator opened on Three that he was shaken from the trance and had to hastily dart out to avoid the doors closing him in again.

He paused in the elevator lobby, needing to reorient himself and remember where he was headed. It was that effort that triggered the realization that something strange seemed to be going on.

Megan’s son.

Angela and her ditsy friends.

Secret lovers.

Pregnancy test and marriage proposal.

Exam panicked girl in a men’s room.

“Frickin weird!” He muttered under his breath. Was this some sort of _Groundhog’s_ _Day_? Was he reliving some strange, slightly altered, version of his life?

“Nah,” he shook his head. “That stuff only happens in the movies.”

“Excuse me,” a nurse passing by inquired?

“I’m sorry,” he replied, waving her off with a smile. “Just talking to myself like every other nut job in Seattle,” he whispered as she walked away.

Right then, his pager went off and a flurry of safe, sane and seemingly normal activity drove the strange string of occurrences from his consciousness. For a few hours anyway.

 


	3. Bitter With The Sweet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More reminders, including a tragic one, force Jackson to question what is happening and why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes a turn for the angst. Hope that's okay with you. The next and final chapter will turn again so hang in there.

But the Jackson Avery version of Groundhog Day resumed when, once again, he was down in the Pit treating a patient who had managed to burn his hand trying to light a charcoal grill at a college football tailgate party.

While Jackson applied antibiotic ointment to the burned area, the man and his buddy were talking.

“Maybe now you'll come to your senses and ditch that dummy.” the patient's friend told him.

“It's not her fault.” the patient protested.

“Not her fault? She squirted lighter fluid on the matchlight charcoal WHILE you were trying to light it with a burning match.”

“She didn't know. She was just trying to help.”

“Because she's stupid. Dude, you've got to dump her before she kills you.”

“Alright, that's enough. I'm not dumping her. And no more calling her stupid.”

His friend shook his head. “Okay, okay.” After a momentary pause he added, “But she is a little dumb.”

The patient sighed. “She's not. She just does dumb things sometimes. But I don't care. Don't call her that either.”

 

The next reminder came as a sharp jolt.

It was obvious the young woman was in distress when they wheeled her in, her husband pale and terrified, running beside the gurney.

“Save my baby,” she kept repeating.

“Pulse, weak and thready, bp’s bottoming out,” the paramedic was yelling to DeLuca.

Jackson had just finished stitching a nasty face lac and fell in next to the gurney.

“She’s hemorrhaging. Placenta previa most likely,” he told to the Resident.

“Straight to the OR?” DeLuca asked, glad to have an Attending with him already.

“No time. We’ll have to open her in a procedure room and stop the bleeding.”

“What about the baby?” DeLuca indicated the woman’s distended belly.

“Emergency C-Sec.” Jackson answered. “Someone page Peds” he yelled. Wish Arizona was on today, or Karev, he thought.

The woman grabbed Jackson’s arm, “Save my baby, promise me. No matter what! Promise me.”

Jackson’s head whipped around. The woman was making the same plea April had when Harriet was about to be born.

The woman’s husband spoke for the first time. “No, no no, save her. Save my wife! Save them both.”

Jackson felt sick to his stomach. Hadn’t he said something similar when Ben was about to deliver Harriet on Meredith’s kitchen table?

“She’s my world. They’re my world” the man said to him, trying desperately to win the doctor to his side.

“We’ll do our best.” DeLuca told the man. “Now you have to stay here.”

“I love you,” called the young man, before squatting where he stood and burying his face in his hands. But his wife had fallen unconscious and did not hear him.

They wheeled the gurney into the procedure room.

“Let’s go people.” Jackson urged, picking up a scalpel.

 

“We did everything we could for her but she had lost too much blood.” Jackson told the man.

“Oh God. Oh God.” The young man’s strangled sob echoed across the waiting room. The other people there looked away. Slowly his eyes came back up. “The baby”?

Jackson swallowed hard. How do you tell someone their whole world has just been taken away from them? “I’m sorry. The baby didn’t survive either. In spite of our best efforts.”

The young man blinked once, twice, then sat down hard.

Fearing he was in shock, Jackson looked at DeLuca. “I’ll stay with him a bit.” The Resident offered. Jackson nodded and turned to go.

“The baby?”

Jackson froze in mid-step and turned. Hadn’t the man heard him?

“We are waiting. We were waiting. You know, to see what it was.”

Jackson understood now. “A girl. A beautiful girl.” He said quietly, his own voice near breaking.

The man smiled sadly. “That’s what she wanted. I wanted a boy. But she said we should have a daughter first because daughter’s are easier. I think she just wanted a girl though. She just wanted a daughter so badly.”

Jackson nodded sadly and again sought to make a clean escape, almost succeeding, when he heard the man tell DeLuca, “We would have named her Jordan. That’s the name she picked out.”

Jackson's fast walk got faster and he was soon running.

 

His blind flight ended in a dark quiet hallway leading to empty offices.

 _This is some kind of sick dream; a frickin nightmare. How can this be happening?_ The other stuff he could have made himself believe odd coincidences. But this? All he could think of was April on that table, and the blood, the liters and liters of blood. And the baby. The beautiful baby girl whose brief fight for life had ended so soon after her mother’s.

The tears were coming now and there was nothing he could do to ward them off. He had come so close to losing both of them. So damn close. His whole world. And let’s not even think about that name. And the time that he did lose both wife and child. His whole world. But half of it had come back, hadn’t it? And somehow, against all odds, she had restored him to wholeness. Harriet had brought him back full circle. Harriet. And April.

It’s like I'm being visited by the ghost of Jackson past, he thought. Wait, no, he recognized it for what it really was; the ghost of April and Jackson past. What next, he wondered? Will someone chase their husband through the hospital waving divorce papers? Maybe there’ll be a restraining order against DeLuca? Or some friend of Wilson will tell Alex that Jo is pregnant. He looked toward the door, half expecting his father to walk in.

His father. Montana. Pain. It had caused her pain. How could he have missed that? Did some sick dark part of him want that for her? Was it some sort of twisted revenge for leaving him when he needed her most? He didn’t think so. But he couldn’t be sure.

But if he were to be brutally honest about it, it was hard to see how he could assume April would be okay with casual sex. The word _casual_ wasn’t even in April Kepner’s vocabulary. No, he had known that April had stepped up to him believing she was stepping back into something real with him. He had just made himself ignore it until after, when he could remind himself that he could never have anything that real with April again. It could never work. It would be doomed from the start. Too much history, too many differences, he was too practical to let himself believe that love could overcome.

And what about this Maggie thing? He had barely known her really until all the drama with her mother. He still wasn’t sure if he was interested in going there. It wasn’t at all clear that she was either. And the whole family thing was sort of weirding him out a little.

But that kind of begged an interesting question. Was his hesitation about Maggie due to unresolved feelings for April. He knew he had plenty of unresolved feelings _about_ April but what about his feelings _for_ her?

He thought about the day and the _reminders_ he had experienced. It was as if their life together was flashing by him, but over the course of a day, and oddly distorted, as though a little out of focus.

Avril, the panicked girl in the restroom. No question what sort of memories that had elicited. But sex with April had never been a problem, unless you count the intimacies they’d shared even as they hurtled toward the divorce. But how could you fault even that when it had produced Harriet? No, he doubted he’d ever be with anyone who he’d enjoyed as much as April. And he knew why. He had never loved anyone as much as he had loved her.

He considered the secret lovers on the train, living in their own little love bubble. He and April’s secret marriage bubble had been the best, most exciting, happiest time of his life. The first time in his life he felt sure someone loved him for himself, not the scion of the Avery legacy, but himself. That she loved him in spite of being the one person in the world who knew all of his fears and flaws, had been a wonder to him. She had given him love so brave and fierce that she had left Matthew and all her friends and family in that church to declare it. Even now, he could recall the warmth of it and again, it brought a smile to his face in spite of the wetness there.

The pregnancy test and fallout from that. Jackson wondered what their lives would have been like had that test been positive? Or he hadn't taken such quick hurt from April's reaction when it wasn't? He had tried to tell himself it was the physical attraction, best friend infatuation, and that he would get over it. So stupid. It took seeing her in that wedding dress for him to realize that best friends, favorite people, is a pretty damn good foundation for being in love with someone. Mark had to be proud of him for standing up and saying it. Sloan had to be even prouder of her for coming down off that alter and running away with him. That may have been the longest he'd ever held his breath in his life.

He found his smile morphing to a chuckle when he recalled the smoky nipple case Angela and her friends had pulled from his memory. How April remained sane coping with the insanity of the ER was a mystery to him. But she didn’t let it get to her. And somehow she remained determined to make the world a better place even if it meant trying to encourage some hopelessly ditsy young women to make something of themselves. Or encouraging a young surgeon who was almost as hopelessly struggling under the weight of having enormous responsibilities thrust upon him, all the while performing amazing procedures with her flawless technique.

Would he ever find another friend who believed in him like she did? Even when he was giving her every reason not to have any faith in him, she did. She found a way to bring Kamal to him. Why? Because to her, and anyone that would listen to her, Jackson was _the guy_. The guy who could do anything. If only he would try.

But no recounting of their history together would be complete without the bad times. That reminder had been especially brutal. Seemingly two births with one stone, elements of both Harriet's birth and Samuels birth and death. And Jordan thrown in there too? Because that is what it had felt like. Like he had lost them both; his whole world. He could have used a little faith himself then. But faith had always been her strong suite, and his weak point.

Jackson froze. That's what their worst fight had been about; her faith and his lack of it. Losing Samuel had wounded her deeply in her faith. Was that why he couldn't be her answer? Because he lacked the thing she needed most after losing their son? Is that why she had to go to Jordan, to recover her faith? In herself, in him, in God? Is that why she could never explain it to him? Because faith was a foreign language to him? Worse, he had openly mocked her faith and resented her pitying his lack of it.

He rubbed his sore, tired eyes. Why was this even happening? Supposedly people saw their lives flash by when death was imminent. But this wasn't that, was it? It was his life with her, April, that was playing itself out. Was he about to die? He scoffed. No, that's not how it works. Then it occurred to him. Maybe we, April and I, are about to … not die physically, but our relationship? They'd always have parenting Harriet so some sort of relationship. Our friendship? Certainly a possibility, but friendships ended all the time and he'd never been subjected to this sort of phenomenon. “What then?” he said aloud, though he was alone in the dark deserted hallway. “Our what... love?”

Is that what this is about, he asked himself. But that was done a long time ago, wasn't it? For him at least. Wasn't it?

Wasn't it?

 


	4. Fortune Cookies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Struggling to come to terms with the strange circumstances of the day and contemplating their meaning, Jackson is resolved to see April. But he stumbles in trying to describe it all to her and is about to admit defeat when he gives in and describes the final 'reminder' of the day.

April wondered who could be at her door on a Saturday evening. Peering through the peephole, she was surprised to see Jackson Avery of all people. He looked uncharacteristically nervous and uncomfortable. She unlocked and opened the door.

“Hey” he said.

“Hey.” she replied hesitantly. She assumed Jackson had his wires crossed and was there to pick up Harriet.“Uh, you know you're about twenty four hours early, right? You're supposed to get her Sunday evening.”

He smiled nervously. “Oh, Yeah, I know. I'm not here to pick up Harriet.”

An awkward moment of silence ensued as April looked at him expectantly. Jackson appeared in no hurry to explain why he WAS there then. Finally, he broke the silence.

“So I happened to be out picking up Chinese at your favorite place and on the way home, I thought maybe you'd like some, if you haven't eaten yet, I mean.” He showed her the bags in his hands.

She looked at him doubtfully. The wounds were still fresh for her. She had only moved out of his place two weeks ago. Just two weeks before that, she had revealed her distress about their relationship and the pain their being together in Montana had caused her. He had listened but had no reply for her.

She had just been thankful to find a good apartment so quickly and the move had been as trouble free as a move could be. Painful as all hell, but trouble free.

Seeing him here on her doorstep was jarring those wounds and her first inclination was to tell him she had eaten and send him on his way. But something in his eyes, those frickin eyes of his, and the way he was standing there... And his voice. She thought she heard something there she didn't expect; somehow his offer of Chinese takeout sounded like a plea for something else. And April Kepner's heart was keenly attuned to that sort of thing, especially when it came from someone she still loved.

As so often happened, her heart overruled her head and she stepped aside to allow him to enter.

“Nice place.” he said as she closed the door behind him.

“Thanks.” she answered. “Once we're unpacked I'll think about decorating but for now, it's livable.”

“Sure. You've always been good at putting your mark on a place.”

“Thanks.” she repeated.

“Eating at the table?” he gestured toward the small table in the breakfast nook.

“Yeah, haven't bought much furniture yet so that's the only game in town.”

Jackson nodded and placed both plastic bags on the table top.

“Beer?” April offered.

“Sounds great.” he answered as April moved to her refrigerator. “Where's the bug?”

“I put her down a few minutes ago. You can go see if she's asleep if you want.” April replied, peering into the fridge. “Pacifico okay?”

“Chinese food, Mexican beer, perfect!” he answered. He looked down the hallway. “Maybe I'll just go peek in on her, if you don't mind?”

“Sure.”

“Uh, which door?”

“Second on the left, just after the bathroom.”

Jackson went carefully and quietly down the hallway. Meanwhile April took two beers from the fridge and brought them to the counter to open them. Then she brought them to the table. She grabbed the nearest bag and began extracting cartons of Chinese food.

“God, you bought enough to feed the entire Chinese army.” she said, hearing him step back into the kitchen. Suddenly she stopped, staring down into the bag.

“You know I should never order Chinese when I'm hungry. I'm just glad you're willing to help or ...” he stopped talking when he noticed she wasn't moving and was just staring down into the bag. “What?” he asked finally.

In answer, she looked at him and slowly inverted the bag in her hand to pour out dozens of fortune cookies onto the table.

“Just happened to be picking up Chinese?” she said quietly. “Thought I might like some on your way home? So you've suddenly developed a fondness for fortune cookies?”

Jackson was silent a moment. “No, not so much.” he finally answered. No point in lying to her any more. He had never been able to do it successfully with her anyway. “April, I miss you.”

“Jackson..” she began.

“All day long I kept getting reminded of you. It was weird. And kinda amazing. But definitely weird.”

“Jackson, I can't ..” she tried again.

“It was almost like I was running into you, into us, wherever I went. At the train station there was a girl in the men's room.”

April's brow arched at that. Jackson noticed.

“No sex. Not for sex. The ladies room at the Light Rail was out of order. But April, she was nervous.”

“Why?”

“She was on her way to take her board certification exam!” Jackson told her with a tone intended to convey the importance of the implication.

“Surgical Board?”

“No, Pharmacy Tech. But the point is she was having a meltdown in the Mens Room.”

“Well, gee, what are the chances that a woman would be nervous about a board exam and need to use the bathroom at the train station?”

But Jackson wasn't to be deterred. “I saw a couple in a _bubble_.”

“A _bubble_? The hospital bubble?” Jackson's strange rambling was very confusing.

“No, a train bubble. Like a secret love bubble.”

April was looking at him with a very dubious expression now. “A secret train love bubble”?

“Okay, so it sounds a little crazy when you say it like that.”

“Uh huh.” Jackson could tell by her expression she hadn't yet made the connection.

“There was a couple on our bench.”

“We have a bench?” April interrupted.

“The bench in front of the hospital. She had the results from a pregnancy test.”

Again April interrupted. “Jackson, we work in a hospital. Every day people find out they're pregnant or not pregnant.”

“April the test was positive. And he wants it all. So they are going to get married.” Jackson cried.

This time, April said nothing, merely gave him with one of her classic April Kepner WTF looks.

This is not going well, Jackson realized.

“April, you're missing the point!”

“I really am, Jackson. None of these things have anything to do with me or with us.”

“Okay, I know you'll get this one. Remember those ditsy girls who brought their friend into the ER after she blew out her stomach drinking the Smoking Nipples?”

“The Roux En Y gastric bypass. Yes, I remember.”

“So a girl came in to the ER today with her sorority sisters and it was the same thing.”

“You did a Roux En Y?”

“No.”

“She blew out her stomach with liquid Nitrogen?”

“No, a dildo. And it was her throat.”

April's expression now reflected the real concern she had for her ex-husband's mental health.

Now Jackson was getting desperate.

“Have you seen Megan Hunt's Iraqi son?”

“Yes, he looks a little like Kamal.” she answered.

“Right! Finally!” Jackson cried triumphantly.

“What?” April shook her head so violently her red hair framed her head like a halo.

Damn it, thought Jackson, seeing there had been no breakthrough.

“There were these guys that came into the ER. One guy told the other his girlfriend was stupid. Then the other guy says _No more calling her stupid._ And the first guy says, _But she is a little dumb._ And the burned guy says, _I don't care, don't call her that._ ” Jackson threw out his hands as though he had just presented an iron clad argument to support his case.

April looked at him sideways. “What is that story supposed to prove?”

“Remember when we were first together and we thought you were pregnant but you weren't so we broke it off?”

“Not likely to forget that. And you were the one who broke it off.”

“Right. Anyway, afterwards I ran into Karev at Joes and told him not to call you things anymore.”

April's eyes narrowed. “Alex called me _stupid_?”

“No, he said you were _weird_ , not stupid. But the point is it was almost like watching a replay of us.”

“Jackson, did you stop at Joes tonight by any chance?” April asked, subtly reaching out and pulling his bottle of beer away from him.

“April, don't you see? The whole day I've been running into things that happened to me, to us.” Jackson was pleading now.

“Except none of those things did happen to you, to us. There are some similarities, sure, but if you're thinking they are signs or something, then I'd have to point out that you are the least likely person to believe in that stuff.” April explained calmly to her ex.

Jackson had hoped to avoid telling her about mother and child but now decided he needed to. He had to make her understand.

“Okay, I'm sorry but you are forcing me to tell you this. I really wanted to spare you but you've left me no choice. This afternoon I was in the ER when they brought in a pregnant woman with internal bleeding. I guessed placenta previa and we opened her up right there in the ER procedure room. But she bled out and we lost her.”

“The baby?” April asked.

“We couldn't save her either.”

Now April thought she understood. He had probably flashed back to Harriet's harrowing birth and how they had almost lost her.

“Jackson, Harriet is fine. I didn't have placenta previa. She is fine.”

“April, you still don't get it. When they came in she said _Save my baby_ and he said _No, save her. Save them both_. That's what we said remember?”

“Yes, I remember.”

“We almost lost her. I almost lost you both.”

Jackson was clearly spinning out and April wasn't at all sure what to make of it. It sounded like he was having some kind of delayed breakdown over almost losing Harriet. But it hadn't escaped her notice that he had included her in that last statement.

Even if he had finally decided that he wanted her, his timing was bad. She needed time and space and real boundaries this time, to figure out what she wanted to do with the rest of her life. Once she had done that, then she would consider who she would spend it with and in what manner.

And if, by some miracle that person was Jackson, he had to be sure about it, unencumbered by any other romantic relationships. And they had to have all their shit worked out too. Because there was too much at stake to have it any other way. And she knew she wasn't anywhere near that and she was double sure Jackson was even further removed from it.

“Jackson, I'm sorry you had that experience. I know it hit close to home for you but Harriet is fine. She is fine and so am I. Now I think you should go home and get some sleep and everything will be better in the morning.”

Jackson could see that April didn't think anything that had happened had any special significance for them. It had been crazy to think that she would, he reflected. Even he wasn't sure if he had really experienced something or had just let missing April and Harriet drive his imagination. No, he must sound pretty wacko to the petite surgeon.

Jackson looked defeated. April folded her arms across her chest to keep herself from offering him any additional comfort. “Okay, listen, its been a long day and I'm pretty beat so...” Jackson got up from the table, leaving his food untouched.

“Let me bag this back up for you.” April started to put the cartons back in the bag.

“No, that's okay. I'm not hungry any more. That should feed you for awhile.”

“Jackson, you should take...”

“No, really, I gotta go.” He picked his coat up and put it on as he walked toward the door. April followed a short distance behind. Opening the door, he was across the threshold when he turned.

“So I'll be back around five tomorrow to pick up the love bug.” He mustered a weak smile.

April, leaning against the door jamb, nodded.

Jackson started turning to go but stopped once more.

“What?” she asked.

“Jordan”

“No Jackson, now is not the...” April began to tell him.

“The baby's name. Jordan.”

Okay, that was a little weird but this whole idea was just too crazy to consider. At least for right now. April sighed. “Good night, Jackson.”

That was it. He had nothing left. Unless...but he had decided not to tell her about his last reminder of the day. “Good night.” He began to make his way down the stairs. Her door had almost shut.

“First Corithia.” he called back up the stairs.

Aprils door stopped short of shut.

Seeing this, Jackson began to remount the stairs. “Thirteen. Four through Eleven. No, Four through Seven” he called.

Now April's door was opened again and she stood at the threshold, an expression of shock on her face.

Jackson stopped on the next to last step before her porch. “That mean something to you?”

April cocked her head to the side, looking at him carefully. “First Corinthians”

“Corinthians” Jackson repeated. “What is that?”

“It's from the Bible. It's a book in the Bible, First Corinthians”

“The Bible,” Jackson looked surprised. “What about the other numbers?”

“Chapter and verse. Chapter thirteen, verses four through seven.” April replied, watching his face. Did he really not know this? Where had he gotten that citation?

“Can we look it up?”

“First, tell me where you heard that citation.”

“You won't believe me.” he answered.

April looked at him quizzically. “Why wouldn't I believe you”?

“Because even I'm not sure I believe it.” But he began to describe that last strange thing on this strangest of all days.

 

That evening Jackson again had found himself alone on the train platform. On the opposite platform, though, a group of people waited for the next uptown train.

It had been a very strange day and it had left Jackson with a lot to think about. While absorbed in thought, he happened to look across the tracks to the opposite platform where one individual stood a little apart from the others, looking at Jackson with a smile on his face.

Jackson made eye contact and the young man's smile broadened to a grin. His perfect teeth were dazzlingly white against his light caramel colored skin. Jackson guessed the young man to be in his teens, judging by the clothes he wore and the casually athletic way he held himself. But Jackson saw no sign of a cellphone or other electronic instrument, which, in itself was highly unusual these days, particularly for a teen.

Jackson nodded slightly to acknowledge the young man. The young man gave a slight nod back and his grin grew even more. In spite of himself, Jackson smiled back. He had to, the young man's expression was contagious. He'd only ever known one other person with such an expressive face. Yet another reminder of her. Then, to Jackson's surprise, the young man nodded and he seemed to be saying something, but the background noise swallowed up whatever sounds he had made.

Jackson cupped his hand to his ear and stepped forward toward the edge of the platform. “What?” he yelled.

On the other side of the tracks the young man moved forward as well. “I said, now you get it.” he shouted.

Jackson was puzzled. What did that mean? “Get what?” he replied.

The young man laughed. It was a clear, musical laugh, a laugh his whole handsome face participated in. Jackson noticed his bright eyes, somehow aqua, also striking against his light brown skin.“You know. You remember.”

“I remember? I remember what?” asked Jackson. But he felt his skin tingling and for no reason the small hairs on the back of his neck were standing on end. But he didn't feel scared. He felt... awake. Like he had been asleep for a long time and had just now woken up.

The young man laughed again. “There you go. You just needed a reminder or three.”

A train whistle blew loudly from not too far away. Jackson looked to his left. His train was approaching. He looked back toward the young man.

“Who are you?” he shouted.

“Who do you think I am?” the teen answered, smiling. His next words were drowned out by another horn blast of the approaching train.

“What?” yelled Jackson, who found his eyes tearing for reasons he couldn't fathom.

“First Corinthians, thirteen, four through seven. That's where you'll find each other again.” the young man shouted.

The train pulled into the station, blocking Jackson's view of the other platform. Jackson ran to look between cars but couldn't see the young man. Then he ran into the nearest open door of the train to find a window that would let him see the other platform. But the young man was nowhere in sight.

He was about to exit the train again when the doors closed and the train lurched into motion. Jackson slumped into an empty seat, unsure of his own sanity.

He awoke as the train pulled into his stop. Had he dreamed the whole thing? He was unsure. The only thing he was sure of was that he needed to see April. Very badly.

 

Jackson concluded his story. They sat side by side now on the porch's top step. Neither said anything, nor looked at each other, for several long moments.

“Now can we go look up that verse?” he finally asked.

“Verses,” she corrected, “and I don't need to look them up.”

“Love is patient,” she began, “love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

“You know it by heart?” he asked, astonished.

“Jackson,” she replied, her voice quiet and low, “It's a popular tract. It gets used at a lot of weddings.” she paused. “And I read it this morning when I woke up.”

A few moments more passed as they let that sink in.

“April, I get the patient and kind. I get the no envy, boasting, and pride things. But after that?”

“It does not dishonor others. You can't love at the expense of other people. It is not self seeking. Love is about giving, not so much receiving. It is not easily angered...”

Jackson interrupted, “Okay, that one I get too, but the next thing?”

“It keeps no record of wrongs?”

“Yeah, that one.”

“It means forgiving those you love, no matter how badly they may have hurt you.” she explained, looking at him solemnly.

Jackson looked back at her. “That's not easy.”

“None of it is.” she replied.

“The last thing, what is it?”

“Love always perseveres.”

“Love always perseveres.” Jackson repeated.

There was another long silence.

“April, do you think...”

April held a finger to his lips. “Jackson, I don't know what to think. I don't know if it was all a bizarre series of coincidences or some sort of miracle from heaven. Sometimes you just have to accept not knowing.”

“That's where faith comes in, I suppose.” April might have thought he was being sarcastic but one look at his face and the tone of his voice told her he wasn't. Not one bit.

“I suppose.” she answered simply.

Jackson stood up and extended a hand to her. She gratefully accepted his assistance in rising to her feet.

“April.” he said as she stepped into her apartment.

She turned.

“You...” he struggled to find the right words, “My life is not the life I want, not without you. All the best times, and the worst, but especially the best, have been with you. I know it won't be easy. I know I need to erase some of those wrongs I have recorded, but I'd like to try. I think if we were to both try, we could persevere. What we have is too good to let die.”

April looked at his face for a long moment. She took a deep breath. He was sure she would say it was too late, the pain too deep. He trembled at the thought. “We could persevere.” she agreed.

Jackson exhaled and fought the urge to sweep her up in his arms. It wasn't going to work like that this time. It would be a long difficult journey to trust her and win back her trust in him. But he knew it was worth it. He absolutely remembered that. “I'm going to go then. But I'll be back tomorrow to pick up Harriet, around five?”

“Or, you could come a little earlier and we could take her to the park. It's supposed to be nice again tomorrow.” April offered.

“Yeah, the park, that sounds really great. I'll be here around four then.” he answered.

“Good.” she nodded. “We can eat the leftover Chinese.”

“Sounds awesome. It's always better the second day anyway.” he agreed with a smile.

G'nite” April said, and closed the door.

“G'nite” he answered.

Jackson turned and took the short stairway two steps at a time. Suddenly he felt as though a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Whereas two minutes ago he had felt exhausted and emotionally drained, now he felt alive, awake, and ebullient. “Protecting and Trusting and Hoping, oh my” he repeated, to the tune of _Lions and Tigers and Bears,_ from the _Wizard of Oz_. 

He stopped and smiled and looked up into the starry night sky. So this is what Faith felt like, he thought.

“And persevering. Let's not forget that. We're gonna be doing some serious persevering.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who read this and especially those who left comments. Much appreciated. I debated using the platform thing until I thought about all the times Greys has used some sort of beyond the grave or supernatural thing to further a plot. I think we saw more dead Denny than living Denny, didn't we? Anyway, I went with it and hope it worked for you. Besides, Jackson might have dreamed the whole platform thing, right?


End file.
